


Blacklisted (but make it an accident)

by GalekhXigisi



Category: Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Cartoon 2018)
Genre: Abandoned Work - Unfinished and Discontinued, Afterlife, Autistic Donatello (TMNT), Character Turned Into a Ghost, No Beta, Suicide Attempt, Trans Donatello (TMNT), We Die Like Gram Gram
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-17
Updated: 2020-10-17
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:08:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,090
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27071005
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GalekhXigisi/pseuds/GalekhXigisi
Summary: Donnie didn't mean to do it, really. He was just tired and aching. He just wanted to go to sleep!Fuck, did going to sleep harm the family so.
Comments: 3
Kudos: 22





	Blacklisted (but make it an accident)

Why had it taken so long for them to realize something was wrong? Why had it taken them so long to see just how much he was  _ hurting? _

They had all taken note of Donnie receding more and more, engulfed by his lab and certainly in a state of paranoia as the worlds of yokais and humans blurred. It didn’t help that they suddenly had a handful and a half of freetime, though Donnie had taken to keeping an eye on the Purple Dragons for the sake of New York’s safety, as well as their own. He set up a security system, one that, by most standards, was unhackable. Donnie had said it wasn’t perfect but for the short time he had taken to set it up, it was fine, though he had one at everyone’s homes. Casey’s, Sunita’s, April’s, even Baron and Repo Mantis’ homes, as well as a handful of others that he managed to learn to value. He’d thrown himself into everything without warning and it had to have been wearing him thin. 

Now, it wasn’t that his brothers hadn’t been concerned for him, nor that their father and friends weren’t, either! No, by all means, they were! It was just… what with things slowly evening out and there being so much free time, April was off having fun with her girlfriends, his brothers were relishing in being able to be free, and their dad was focused on other relationships like the ones with Draxum and Big Mama. 

So schedules didn’t overlap,  _ big deal! _ That’s what their thinking had been, all neutral and condescending, as they tended to take with the second-oldest Hamato son. 

Until Donnie wasn’t waking up and Raph was screaming for help because  _ he’s too cold, Pops, even for Donnie and I dunno if he’s breathing! _ And his voice carries through the whole home, making everyone sharpen and their minds lurch. Donnie wasn’t breathing?  _ No, _ Donnie  _ loved _ to breathe, everyone did! 

But Donnie  _ was _ too cold and he was far too unresponsive, body too pliant, no fight in him nor noises leaving him. 

-

Donnie didn’t plan on killing himself. 

Or, well, maybe he did. 

He didn’t know anymore, not after everything blurred together. 

It was a series of intrusive thoughts, urges that he couldn’t dismiss with a measly  _ maybe it’s just because my brain is wired different _ anymore. It was sudden urges to ruin his life, to just walk the streets like he didn’t have an enemy, to destroy everything in his room and lab, to even stab himself so many times that he couldn’t even count how many times he had thought about it. He almost had so many times. 

His back hurt so often. He would down medication like it was nothing, so used to needing it to get rid of the pain. His bone structure had crumbled after what Sheddar had done to him and his body wasn’t even able to support itself anymore. His battleshell became his brace and he needed it. He didn’t tell anyone, terrified that he would be belittled, but Raph had found out after seeing Donnie attempt to walk without it and the horrid meltdown that came with it. He checked on him periodically. 

It was an intrusive thought that, within his blurry, sleepy mind, he didn’t know if he had done or not. He was so tired and his body hurt too much to let him sleep. He needed any sort of crutch that meant he could fall asleep which meant he had turned to melatonin and the painkillers he knows are strong and usually help him fall asleep. 

How was he to know taking both was a deadly mix? 

He had fallen asleep hours later, curled beneath a hefty pile of blankets, barely able to keep his eyes open. 

And when he opened his eyes once more, Karai stared him down with tears pooling, dribbling down her cheeks in rivers. “Oh, my young Hamato,’” she whispers, sniffling, “You’ve been struggling for so long, haven’t you?” 

Donnie stares at her, not sure what to say. 

He fumbles to stand up, turning quickly to take in his surroundings. 

_ “That’s my son,” _ he hears get screamed and his stomach plummets,  _ “That’s my  _ **_boy!”_ **

He’s never had a good relationship with his father, but… 

But this makes everything in him coil and twist so tight that it physically hurts. 

Draxum is so desperately trying to pull him from his eternal slumper, the flatlining clear as Huggin and Munnin fly around, getting everything they’re told to before they have to usher the three young Hamato sons out of the room. 

_ “Draxum, please,” _ Splinter chokes out,  _ “Save my boy!” _

“You can go back to them,” Karai tells him in a soft voice as she places a hand on his shoulder, watching him flinch with a sympathetic gaze. “I know it will hurt, but… If you will it, we are willing to give you our blessing. You will always be welcome here, though, with us.” She gestures at the Hamato clan that surrounds them. “It’s a bit early for you, is it not, Donatello?” 

“I can’t  _ stay,” _ he chokes out. He can’t hurt his brothers, not like that. He needs them to know it wasn’t on purpose, that he didn’t mean to push himself so far. 

She nods in acceptance, though. She leans forward, pressing a gentle kiss to his forehead. “Keep them safe for us, Dontello.” 

“I will,” he promises, though he knows a huge weight now presses against his chest. 

-

Recovery is slow but Donnie get shis point across. He didn’t mean it. It was an  _ accident. _

Doesn’t stop the family from losing their shit, though. Neither Mikey nor Raph can look at Donnie without tearing up in one way or another and the looks he gets from Leo (and April once she gets word of what happened) make him wish he had just chosen to stay with the long line of Hamatos before him. It doesn’t help that their father, who was already so distant with Donnie, only seems to further himself from the teenager. It feels so bitter and he hates to even consider it, stomach churning at whatever thoughts he considered might be churning through Splinters’ head. The only relationship that seems to be the same is what he had with Sloppy Joseph, though the child-like mutant has yet to process what is and isn’t life threatening. Even Draxum and Big Mama seened to be stepping on egg shells!

It frustrates him to no end, honestly. 

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, the Discord link SHOULD be fine. If it isn't, I'm depressed but I'll get another one up if someone wants it.   
> https://discord.gg/eGkwayy


End file.
